My 5 year old son, Bency is the middle child. He displays many of the stereotypes that go along with this label. Short of waving his arms in the air and saying “Hey, look at me. I’m still here! I need attention” he does everything in his power to gain the floor. It usually comes in the form of a loud volume to his voice. His soft volume setting quit working years ago.
When our third child, Cesar, was born, Bency was indifferent to the situation. He was 3 years old at the time and though he didn’t come right out and say he wasn’t crazy about the idea of having a new brother he pretty much just tried to ignore that fact that a new life had come to inhabit our home. The most interaction Bency had with newborn Cesar was when he used him for a hurdle when Cesar was having tummy time on the floor. Needless to say, I found this a bit dangerous and Cesar didn’t get much tummy time. I’m happy to report this didn’t have an effect on strengthening his neck muscles and Cesar is doing just fine holding his big head up.
When Cesar turned 6 months old and was able to sit up on his own and throw toys around, Bency thought he was a bit cooler and would sit and try to have a conversation with him while Cesar just smiled, gurgled and blew bubbles. Bency still found him slightly lame.
As Cesar entered the toddler stage, Bency no longer found him boring. He actually became a bit irritated with the fellow that followed him everywhere and destroyed all of his Lego creations. They just weren’t on the same level of playing field and Bency wasn’t about to reduce himself to playing with a shape sorter, stacking toy or toy xylophone.
As Bency started Kindergarten this year he began bringing home a lot of drawings and paintings of our family. Surprisingly, they are all void of one member. Yes, you guessed it. Cesar is not on one of the family pictures. When I ask Bency about it he explains that there was merely no more room for one more stick figure or he just plain ran out of time. Now, I am not a psychologist but I’m sure this means Bency is longing for the days when we were merely a family of four.
Now a few days ago when I was tucking Bency into bed for the night he informed me that he was going to leave his newest Lego house creation out on the floor instead of tearing it down and putting it away in the bucket because he wanted to continue working on it when he came home from school the next day. I thought this was a dandy idea seeing as though it resembled a miniature pyramid and was quite elaborate and I could clearly see he had spent quite a bit of time on it already.
With what you know about Bency’s feelings toward Cesar you can only imagine my distress and dismay when I discovered the next day that Cesar had sneaked into Bency’s room and destroyed this exquisite architecture.
I put Cesar down for his nap and set to work trying to recreate Bency’s masterpiece. After an hour I realized my attempts were futile. I have no idea how he made that pyramid and I gave up. I just kind of stacked them up in a haphazard display hoping Bency wouldn’t remember his exact floor plan.
When I spoke on the phone briefly with my husband that afternoon I told him what I had been doing. He cringed and commiserated with me as we envisioned the fallout of Cesar’s actions. We were almost certain Bency would want Cesar banned from the house altogether after this horrible act.
When Bency came home from school that day and went to put his coat away in his room I braced myself for the screaming, possibly hysterics, maybe even a fainting episode. I waited silently in the living room in a panic for what seemed like hours but was only mere minutes.
Much to my surprise, Bency came pouncing down the stairs in a delightful, excited mood and exclaimed, “Mom, Mom, you are not going to believe this! This is so amazing! You will just never believe this! Cesar can do Legos now! He made the coolest house today! He took apart my house and built another really good one! This is the best thing ever!”
A flood of relief washed over me and as the panic disappeared, elation filled my body. Somehow, I had created a tiny miracle. My simple attempt at building a Lego house may have solved all our problems.
Bency finally found his brother to be cool!
As a side note to this story, my 7 year old, Iris was suspicious of this and questioned, “Bency, how do you know that Dad or Mom didn’t build that?”
Bency said, “Dad was at work all day and Mom would never go in my room during the day and play Legos while I am at school.”
I guess only time will tell if Cesar makes it back into the family pictures or if they will grow up and be the best of friends but one thing I know for sure is we have this moment, this small victory and if it takes me moonlighting as a Lego extraordinaire to help strengthen their bond I will; but my guess is that it will happen anyway and these boys will grow up fused together by love.
“Maybe even a fainting episode…” – too funny! Nice save Mom! You’ll be amazed at how quickly they become friends….or at least allies against a common enemy. 😉
Thanks! Well, Iris and Bency already make a great team and have come together to plot against me….I can’t imagine adding a third to the mix!
Wow, I certainly did not expect that to be the outcome. I hope it has long term positive reprecussions. Who knows – maybe Caesar will make it into a picture.
I certainly hope so! Bency was the baby for 3 years and had the majority of the attention…along came Cesar and stole it away from him. I’m sure now that Cesar is much more independent things will slowly smooth themselves out!
My boys can be the best of friends one moment to saying that they hate each other the next. Weird.
As an only child, I can totally relate to Bency. My toys were MY toys and Heaven help anyone who tried to “rearrange” them. Nice save on your part though. What other future things will Cesar suddenly be able to do?
Great question…Bency loves paper airplanes…I’m thinking Cesar needs to learn how to make some killer paper airplanes and leave them in Bency’s room as a gift!
Haha. I sense that Mommy is going to have some creative folding moments.
Cute post! Sibling relationships are complicated little roller-coasters, aren’t they? Now I get why my mom would tear up when she’d catch us being nice to each other… 🙂
Oh I know! There’s been quite a few times when Cesar has fallen and gotten hurt and was crying and I couldn’t get to him quick enough and when I do I find Bency comforting him….Those moments give me glimmers of hope!
That’s so sweet! Way to go big brother Bency! 🙂
Oh, how many times have I held my breath waiting for the older-sibling-fallout!?! I totally “get” this story, and thankfully I’ve been surprised by grace and patience sometimes, too. I overheard L talking with a friend yesterday on the playground after school: his friend, older sibling to a brother and sister, asked L if he likes his little sister. He said he loves her but doesn’t like her all the time. Fair, right? I know that love is there, and it’s just the best feeling when we get to see it! Have a great weekend! –Alison
Yes, it is totally fair! Iris and Bency’s dynamic illustrates the love/dislike relationship perfectly. They would do anything for each other and love one another immensely but there are little time periods where they don’t like each other much. I am sure I will see more of a bond between Bency and Cesar as Cesar gets older and can communicate better and…..really build Lego houses! I hope you have a great weekend as well Alison!
your post made me laugh, I was not expecting this reaction from Bency, at least he thought Cesar was cool! they are adorable in the last picture; lovely post!
Thanks Ingrid! Yes, now I have to keep coming up with ways to up Cesar’s cool factor in Bency’s eyes!
The picture of Bency holding baby Cesar is priceless! I have one of my son trying to push my daughter out of my arms…the first time he met her didn’t go well 🙂 Glad to see that Cesar is working his way back into the family drawings…hopefully!!!
I know everytime I see that picture I crack up! There is a whole series of them and Bency’s face reads of pure disgust in every one of them!
Most definitely growing up and being The BEST buddies/friends/siblings ever. Have a Blessed Weekend! Mtetar
Thanks Mtetar! I really hope they grow up to have a wonderful relationship! I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well! Melissa
They will. Enjoy your weekend as well. Be Blessed, Mtetar
I freaking love that first shot. You are doing a great job!
haha!!! Thanks! Yes, I can now add professional Lego house re-creator to my resume!
This IS a miracle. LOVE the picture with the new baby. Classic. And wait until they are working together to pull things over on YOU! 🙂
Oh, I know I can’t imagine having three all working together! If I remember correctly there was eight in your family right? I can’t imagine what you put your Mom through!
Great memory! Yes, 8. And I doubt seriously that all 8 EVER worked together to trump the parents. But there was ALWAYS a pairing up going on!
I can relate to the older sibling attempting to spoil the nice moment by being smart enough to figure out what actually happened – Michael does this all of the time! haha! Glad he didn’t pay attention to Iris this time! 🙂 Good cover mom!
I know! I can’t believe she tried to ruin it all for me! I’m just happy he didn’t actually ask me if I did it because I’m sure I would have started laughing and he would have figured it out…at least at this moment he still believes Cesar is a Lego genius!
This is definitely one of my favorite posts of yours. I know I’ve said that before but you just continue to impress and amaze me with your insight, your talent, the way you capture these moments and bring them to life with your wit and wisdom…I’m in awe of you, you take my breath away how great you write and how profoundly you see the world and your children’s childhood. Yay for you! Thanks for taking the time to share this golden nugget today, I just adored it!!
Wow! Thank you so much Susan! I really appreciate it! I think I wrote this post in 20 minutes! I thought it was such a funny moment but seriously didn’t think it was too great!
You tell the cutest stories, I had to lol 🙂
Thank you so much!
I just read this and the last few Bency-related posts. Love. Love. Love.
Thanks Miss JavaJ! Have a lovely weekend!
What a cute story. The older Cesar gets the closer they all will become. They will be so close some day, it will be beyond your wildest dreams. You have a great family, and great families do great things… just wait
Thanks Pamela! I sure hope so!!
The photos are gorgeous as usual Mel. Your story equally so, how you take me back to the times of when mine were young and got up to squabbling between themselves…hmm hang on they haven’t stopped 😦 xxx
haha!!! The sibling rivalry…err….I mean love just never ends!!! Thanks Jen!
This is an awesome story! The first picture is HILARIOUS. We men always have to assert our dominance and I think Bency was just putting his little brother through a trial period! 😉 Hey I’m 28 and my sister is 32, and she’s still going through my trial period…haven’t decided if she’s worthy to be my friend yet! 😛 Love your posts! Makes me wanna knock a broad up and have my own kids! lol
hahah!!!! Man that is hilarious! I thought I would have the opposite affect and have everyone running to the drug store for birth control!!! Yeah right….I can totally tell that you and Stephanie are the best of buds! Just from reading both of your posts I get a good idea how you two interacted as kids, teenagers and now!!!
She doesn’t appreciate my texts to her at 5:30am bestowing random facts of knowledge on her…I think I’ll send her one now 🙂
Oh, that is hilarious!!
Good story, my daughters were 3 years apart
And they eventually became friends…
My Grands are 2 1/2 yrs apart boy and girl, they play together well, my grandson enjoys her adulation. I’m guessing soon Bency will enjoy Cesar’s hero worship too.
Thanks Melinda! I sure hope so! My daughter and Bency are thicker than thieves so I’m guessing that when Cesar gets a little older and can play “big kid games” he will become part of circle as well!
Oh Melissa, sorry I didn’t stop by yesterday. It was crazy busy around these parts. My daughter had a “Sweetheart Dance” at school so my Friday was impacted. In any case, it doesn’t surprise me that Bency loved your version of a lego house. My favorite part of this story was the picture of Bency with Cesar on his lap. In fact, you could run a caption contest on your blog. It would be funny to see how others fill in the blank for this adorable photo! 🙂
You have the best blog ideas! You could become a professional blog adviser!! How was the Sweetheart Dance? That sounds absolutely adorable for 2nd graders! In my mind I’m imagining little boys in tuxedos and all the girls in big fluffy ball gowns dancing to a waltz together but I’m sure the reality is more like the boys playing tag and the girls dancing with one another to a Top 40 song!
That Cesar is something else wink wink.I remember when I brought Jared home from the hospital Brooke started bawling because she wanted a dog!
That is hilarious because when I was pregnant with Cesar, I told the kids I had either a baby boy or girl in my tummy and Iris said, “How do you know it’s not a puppy?”
I love this story! I think it’s funny that he thinks you wouldn’t go play legos! HA HA! Thanks for sharing. I’m going to share this one!
Thanks Sarah! I know…I can’t believe he doesn’t think I wouldn’t just sit around all day playing Legos! Thanks for sharing!
Love. As always. 🙂
That picture of Bency with 1 day-old Cesar is a classic! This story brings me back to Charlotte when she was 3 1/2 years old and Emma was 1. Charlotte was in pre-school and painted a big picture. The teachers always asked the children what their picture represented and then wrote it on the bottom. I arrived one day to pick Charlotte up and found noticed all the painted pictures on the walls. And there was Charlotte’s, with a description written on the bottom… A T-Rex dinosaur eating her sister Emma!
Lidia, that is absolutely hilarious!!! Love this story! Thanks for sharing!!!
That’s awesome! A happy misunderstanding…best just to let sleeping dogs lie 🙂
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LOL! I love that! I did my dissertation on the psychological interpretation of children’s drawings and when I come across adorable pics like that it can only make me smile 😀
haha!! That had to be a fun dissertation to write! It’s so amazing what comes out in kid’s artwork!