6 Things Your Child Will Never Say


We recently moved my youngest son out of his crib and into a regular bed. Seeing as we have no further use for a crib; I listed it on Craigslist the other day. I posted a picture of it, a very brief description and the price of $40. It’s not a fancy crib by any means and I didn’t advertise it as one. It is clean, sturdy and does the job.

A man called shortly after I posted it and asked if he and his wife could come look at it. We set up a time and they came. The man was very friendly while the woman wouldn’t even look in my direction or say hello. I showed them the crib which the man seemed very enthusiastic about. The woman on the other hand rolled her eyes, shot her husband a glare and when he asked her if she was okay with it, she shook her head in a way that indicated she was completely disgusted.

I have no idea what the lady expected for $40 but apparently she was hoping for something along these lines:

Even though I kept my mouth shut I really wanted to tell that lady just how quick your child’s time in the crib goes by. You blink a few times and they are ready to go into a regular bed. Also, there is a chance your kid won’t even sleep in it. Only 2 out of 3 of my kids spent any considerable length of time in theirs.

I also wanted to tell her that her child would never say any of these things:

1. I know I could learn my ABC’s better if I just had a proper crib.

2. I promise I’ll stay asleep until 8 am if you just buy me a better crib.

3. You are the worst parents ever for buying this junky crib.

4. Tommy has a better crib than me so I bet he will be valedictorian of his graduating class.Β 

5. This crib is a bigger embarrassment to me than the time I had a blow out diaper at Story Time at the library.

6. I can only picture a life of hard drugs and alcohol because I had to spend my baby years sleeping in this cheap crib.

Iris crib



46 responses

  1. You are right in that the crib is only so meaningful. However, think back to when you were expecting your first. You had certain expectations and things you imagined. It didn’t matter if they were realistic. She is not in that place.

  2. Ohmygoat, tell me about it! I spent a fortune on LO’s crib (canopies and all that) and she HATES it! We are co-sleeping/bed-sharing now. WORST BUY EVER! Ugh, I could go on and on…

    • haha!! Exactly!! I can only assume they were first time parents. I didn’t ask but the woman wouldn’t even come into our house until the husband came to the door and checked first to see if we had any dogs because he said she was pregnant and didn’t want to get contaminated by dogs???

      • Maybe she is crazy pregnant. I hit that point a couple times. When you reach the point where ‘rational’ and ‘sane’ are replaced with ‘hormonal’ and ‘bat crap crazy’.

  3. “if you had bought me a better crib I’D be the President” How true Mel and how terrible – what a ghastly woman. Possibly there first child – where everything must be ‘top class’ but for $40.00 – come onnnn lady get a life.

    • I’m sure all presidents came from top class cribs! I have no idea why someone would respond to a $40 crib if they were expecting something fancy especially since I posted a picture of it and it was clear that it wasn’t inlaid with gold!

  4. hahahahaha – I love snobby people like that cause I really and truly believe that Karma is going to get them. The only reason some people are still in my life is because I want to be here when Karma gets them! I will admit that before I had my son, I was… let’s say picky. yeah, that went out the window at week 2. πŸ™‚

    • You are too funny Kate! And yes, wouldn’t be wonderful if we all truly knew what having a baby did to us. We are so tired and after a few weeks we just care about keeping the child alive rather than what state the nursery is in!

  5. Sadly I must say .. I raised 4 children in the same crib … start to finish .. 20 plus years and then passed it on to you for Iris and Bency ….. actually that crib had very little occupation by those 6 children … none were good crib companions … all in big kid beds by the time they turned one or in thy parent’s bed !!! Waste not … want not with cribs … same with the good old bassinets … big joke … one week with the bawling and straight to the crib and you know how well that worked out !!! LOL

  6. I give you credit for exercising so much self control, Melissa! That lady has NO idea how useless cribs can be, especially during the infants first three months of life. My son’s crib is a storage place for all his stuffed animals.

    Yep, it’s currently collecting lots of dust! πŸ™‚

    • Well, at least your crib will be put to good use soon enough! Good luck finding a place for all of those stuffed animals. Stuffed animals are a whole other story. I think we need to build an addition on to our house with all the stuffed animals my kids have!

    • I was so irritated with her by the time she walked in the door. She wouldn’t even get out of the car until her husband confirmed we didn’t have dogs because she didn’t want to get contaminated. After I said hello to her and she didn’t respond or look at me, I knew I better keep my mouth shut or it probably wouldn’t have come out nice at all!

  7. Crib snob is in for a very rude awakening! She sounds like the type of parent who’ll spends wads of cash on toys furniture just to impress her friends and then hide her face in shame when her kid starts playing with empty soda bottles.

  8. I am totally with you on this one! Your baby has no clue what they are sleeping in. I’m pretty sure no one remembers their crib. As long as it’s clean then it’s fine. We got most of our stuff at garage sales and as hand-me downs. I’m not ashamed of it! πŸ™‚

    • I’m with you! I think everything we had was from garage sales except when our first was born we bought her a jumperoo brand new. After our 2nd kid was born and we thought we weren’t going to have anymore I sold it. With the 3rd kid I went and bought a jumperoo at a garage sale….it worked just as good as the one that was brand new! No shame in my game! We used the money we saved on other things!

  9. what a lady that was! what did she want? Nate didn’t use his, my grandma bought us his crib and if only I knew he would barely use it, I wouldn’t have let her spend so much money on it! I can’t believe you had to deal with that kind of person!

    • I know Ingrid! It always amazes me how many rude people there are in the world! It’s not like I begged them to come buy this crib! They called me! Cribs would be somewhat worth it if kids stayed in them all night but unfortunately that’s not usually the reality! The two pictures in this post are the only crib shots I could find! I never wanted to risk it and take pictures of the kids sleeping in them because I was afraid they would wake up so I don’t think the crib even makes it into to photographs that much so it doesn’t matter what they look like!

  10. Hilarious! If only we lived in the same city I would come and buy your crib. I won’t need one for a while, but if your rad kids used that crib, I want to save up some of that awesome child karma for my own yet-to-be-born little ones!

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  12. Oh, I think I’ve met that woman–the yard sale haggler. “What? You want a whole quarter for that DVD?” Ugh.
    Wait a minute. I think I have just discovered the source of my chronic anxiety, OCD, and self-loathing. It was that darn crib.

  13. maybe she was still traumatized from her crappy crib! haha! people are so weird! I’m with you. It’s a temporary bed that they will probably not like much anyway. Who cares as long as it does the job?! and $40 is a steal!

  14. Why, my two year old has said all of those things. And, if you believe that one, I’m going to add that I’m friends with the Tooth Fairy. This post is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

  15. I’ll bet money that she was a total bridezilla, spazzing over ever detail of her wedding, as if that makes her MORE married than any other brides. Now she’s poised to become a momzilla. Heaven help us!

    PS, your crib ROCKS!

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