She Was Thinking About Him

Last week, my 7 year old daughter, Iris came home from school and said she had a sad day.

This was the first time she has ever come home and made this statement so I was very alarmed and immediately asked why.

She said, “I couldn’t stop thinking about Papa Bency (my husband’s Dad). I miss him so much. I was thinking about him all day at school and didn’t even feel like playing at recess.”

My husband walked into the room and asked what we were talking about. When I told him, his jaw dropped. He said he too had been thinking about him all day as well and had not been able to shake it.

The strange thing about this is the fact that Papa Bency passed away 12 years ago and my daughter Iris had never had a chance to meet him.

Papa Bency comes up in conversation occasionally but it had been awhile since we talked about him so there was no real reason he should have been on her mind that day and she herself couldn’t explain what caused her to think about him.

Papa Bency

My husband who was still in awe that he and his daughter had been having parallel thoughts that day called his mother to tell her.

His mom was surprised too because earlier in the day, one of my husband’s sisters had been talking about how much she missed her Dad and another granddaughter who is also too young to have ever met him expressed her sadness about Grandpa Bency as well the very same day.

Is this all a huge coincidence? I have no idea. No one can know for sure.

In the past week, I have tried to wrap my mind around why four people were all thinking about the same person on the same day. Of course, I couldn’t come up with a concrete answer as to how this occurred.

I realized I didn’t need to know why it happened either.

What I did realize though is that this is a comfort to me.

Whether or not Papa Bency whispered into my daughter’s ear that day and held her hand, I do not know. I don’t know if Papa Bency guided one of his family members out of harm’s way. I don’t know if he helped them understand a problem they were struggling with. It would be nice to think this happened and that there is someone looking out for us and our loved ones.

What I am most comforted by is the fact that our loved ones can live on in our memories and be shared through our stories. That the ones we have lost or never met can always be remembered.

(when Iris was 2 1/2 she also had an experience with Papa Bency that I have posted about before and you can read here.)

Wednesday Morning at the Cemetery

The other day when we were driving, Iris, our 7 year old, asked, “Can we go there?” I looked all around trying to figure out what she was referring to because all I saw was a cemetery. She said, “I’ve always wanted to go to where people are buried so I can read the tombstones and learn about the lives of people who are no longer alive.” I found this a somewhat strange request.

I thought long and hard about her suggestion for an outing. Is it an appropriate place to take children for a field trip? Bency, my 5 year old, has been going through a phase where he is afraid of getting old and dying. It has become so bad lately that I have had to promise we will not celebrate any more of his birthdays and he can stay 5 forever. Iris, on the other hand, is the opposite. She talks about Heaven and angels. She tries to calm Bency’s fears by explaining Heaven is a beautiful place and we all turn into angels to help others here on Earth.

What finally sealed the deal to take the kids to the cemetery is when I found a list on Iris’s desk entitled: Places I Want to Go for My Next Birthday. The list included: A farm, the library, a cemetery and the magical forest (she believes this is where the unicorns live).  I have no idea what kind of birthday party she was expecting at a cemetery but I figured we would just make her dreams come true on a regular Wednesday morning!

Off to the cemetery we went, pen and notebooks in hand (the kids wanted to write down what they found out about people). Iris squealed with delight when we pulled in. Bency was equally excited just because it looked like a huge place to run and there was lots of mud puddles from the rain the night before. Cesar, the almost 2 year old, was just excited to get out of the house.

The kids had so much fun! They ran from tombstone to tombstone reading the names and figuring out how old they were. We made up fun stories of what we thought their lives were like and celebrated them. They filled their notebooks. It was quiet and relaxing. Iris’s curiosity has been satisfied but she does want to go back again. Bency seems more at peace with death and getting older and Cesar had fun playing in the mud puddles!

The kids have been lucky that they have not lost any loved ones. I hope when that day comes they can look back on this day and it will be a comfort to them. They will remember that we can visit the ones we have lost at any time and celebrate them in a fun and happy way…..perhaps our loved ones will be visited and celebrated by three strange kids as well…smiles and notebooks in hand.

Iris and Bency writing down information

Bency’s favorite tombstone

Iris wanted a picture of this one because she felt her and this person must have had a lot in common….she loves “baking” too!!!