My Top 5 Behavior Busters for Kids Behaving Badly

By looking at this image, it appears I have well behaved children who love each other madly all of the time:

Sometimes they love giving each other hugs!

Sometimes they love giving each other hugs!

This however is not always the case. I run into plenty of instances like this too:

I don't want my picture taken. I don't care if it's my 4th birthday.

I don’t want my picture taken. I don’t care if it’s my 4th birthday.

I said I wanted candy for breakfast!

I said I wanted candy for breakfast!

I have no idea why I'm crying. I just feel like crying!

I have no idea why I’m crying. I just feel like crying!

Maybe if I make it look like a hug, no one will notice I am squeezing him too tight!

Maybe if I make it look like a hug, no one will notice I am squeezing him too tight!

This is how I feel when my sister gets too close to Mom!

This is how I feel when my sister gets too close to Mom!

You are standing too close to me!

You are standing too close to me!

It's my turn to use the bathroom!

It’s my turn to use the bathroom!

So I have compiled my top 5 secrets to stop bad behavior dead in it’s tracks! I never do any of these in public for fear that I will be committed. These are strictly for the privacy of my own home. The only one who knows about any of these is my husband and sometimes I am slightly scared he will have me committed.

Dramatic Fall. You walk into the room where the scene of the bad behavior is happening. Do a slow motion spin and let yourself fall down in the most natural way possible. Keep your eyes closed. The kids will come running to your side and at this point tickle them. They will forget all about what they were just engaging in.

Witch Doctor. This song from 1958 from David Seville (the creator of The Chipmunks) is one of the catchiest songs I know. Children as little as 1 year old love this song and if you start singing they will immediately start dancing or singing along no matter what they are doing.

The Unknown Brother. Whenever the children are being too noisy and I can’t get their attention, I say “Be Quiet, you’re going to wake up your brother Johnny.” They do not have a brother Johnny. The downside on this one is that you have to finally tell them you were just joking so they don’t go tell people that mom is hiding a secret brother.

Rain Dance. Walk into the room and start dancing like you are beckoning rain. High skipping leg motions and arms flailing wildly in the air. I don’t know if this works because they are so entranced with the beauty of the dance or that they are scared I have really lost it!

Cabaret Singing. This is my favorite. I can not sing worth a darn which makes this one even funnier. When the children balk at a certain task I channel my inner Marlene Dietrich and begin singing in a sultry, smoky voice words like, “Come put your pajamas on Baby. It’s time for pajamas to come on. Mommy loves you in pajamas. Come put your pajamas on.” Again I’m sure my children comply at this point because they are scared Mommy is on the verge of nervous breakdown.